PROLOGUE

So often we hear of people and their epiphanies: monumental thoughts or events that catapulted each of them into major life changes or successes beyond compare. As an un-inspired writer, I have been waiting for one of those to crash into me for quite some time now. Some event that will get me off of my proverbial ass and make me tell my tales, the way my family and friends have been imploring me to do for years. Up until now… buppkes. No job to get fired from, no relationship to end in heart wrenching despair and no quarter-life crisis; just coasting along in the general mediocrity lane. Ironically – it is actually the pocket-sized dramas, the ones that build upon each other like a child’s awkward, unsteady, Lego building and seem comical from a few days distance but insurmountable at the time, that brought me here. A teeny tiny green gossamer drama, that led me down the drain and right into my epiphany…

Down The Drain: The Real Story

At least a week had gone by wherein my bathtub was seemingly having some type of drainage problem. Nothing egregious at first, only about an extra 10 minutes for the water to go down but that 10 min. quickly crescendoed to about 12 hours. I tried everything at my disposal, a full bottle of professional strength Drano Max, internal/external plunging sessions (with rain boots during high tide) and a faux “snake” but to no avail. As much as I hated to acquiesce, the time had come to call in the reinforcements a.k.a. handyman. As I am of the belief that I can do everything on my own or live with it not being done, asking for help is always my last resort. I left word with my doorman and then ran out so I didn’t have to bare witness to my own damsel in distress-iness. When I returned home and asked him if everything went well, my doorman loudly replied, “oh yeah, fine, they found a pair of green underwear in there – they may have to tell the building manager”. I wasn’t quite sure which aspect of this was most disturbing: the fact that the entire lobby now knew I occasionally wash my delicates by hand, that I may get in trouble for this or that I was such a bad “mother” to my garments that I didn’t even know one of my favorite underwear had gone missing. To add insult to injury, when I called the handymen to apologize and find out what became of my underwear he explained to me that he had it in the office because he needed it as evidence. EVIDENCE! My green thong, who did nothing bad to anyone, was being held ransom. People’s reactions varied from amusement to anger, I however, was more awe struck by the idea that green underwear were once again destined to play a significant role in my life. They were there the first time I "cleared the bases" (not the same pair) and now they would be the impetus for my epiphany. They are the raison d’etre behind this blog. I miss them still, but it gets easier everyday…


7.01.2009

QUICKEES

It never fails...I am peacefully eating at the sushi bar and my conversation is inevitably interrupted by the strident tones of the Sushi Aficionado(SA). Characterized by a pompous nature, a remedial knowledge of Japanese and an exaggerated reverence for sushi, the SA often befriends the sushi chef in order to wax poetic about his/her sushi history. The SA also tends to look askance at the sushi simpleton, such as myself, who prefers more of a commercial roll, steeped in spicy sauce and wasabi drizzle. Here's the thing SA, I don't begrudge you your strange, still alive, wiggling crustacean so leave me to my crunchies and tobiko, take off your imaginary kimono and have a little more of that light, yet crisp sake (obviously pronounced SAH-KAY). Dōmo arigatō, Mr. Roboto.
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1 comment:

  1. UnknownFebruary 28, 2011 at 10:14 AM

    Hey Lorna,

    I just tried to post a comment, but not sure if it went through so I'm writing you again.

    Anyway, I just read your blog from start to finish and I thought it was fantastic. Very witty and funny. I noticed you haven't written anything new in a long time. You should start it up again!

    Regards,
    Adam Baff
    (your old friend otherwise known as B.D.)

    ReplyDelete

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